Logic Parameters Not Found
by I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Summary: Babies make everything better. Just accept that fact, and things will go much easier.


Ben 10 Alien Force, is the property of team Man of Action.

We join our antihero, Doctor Animo, fresh from his gentle ravaging at the hands of a beautiful and exotic beast. He woke up, groggy, and looked around. His pants were off and there was a vast amount of unmentionably horrible smelling goo around, and also covering him. He frowned.

"I already don't like where this is going," he spoke.

He sighed and lifted himself off the ground. He wandered, shakily, towards a cave. His Null Guardian friend was nowhere to be found, possibly having preferred to love and run. Inside the cave, Doctor Animo lit a fire and carefully sat down on a rock.

"Maybe I should kill myself," he pondered aloud. He began to cry again.

Later, he fell asleep. When he woke up, he was shocked to find the Null Guardian in the cave with him.

"Oh, so you did come back," Doctor Animo muttered. "Well, what do you want from me now?" He looked away with another pout.

The Null Guardian screeched at him. It lifted its wing and revealed a shiny piece of jewelry.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" Doctor Animo questioned. "I don't care for jewelry. I would prefer world conquest."

The Null Guardian screeched again, this time offering a piece of food tucked in its various tentacles.

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry," Doctor Animo responded. "I think I'll just go back to sleep for a few hours, or weeks." He laid down to rest. Shortly after, he fell asleep again.

When he woke up, he was PREGNANT.

He barfed for seemingly no reason, then again two hours after. Soon, he came to a dire conclusion.

"I'm PREGNANT!" he yelled. He had been a practitioner of veterinary medicine long enough to know how to spot pregnancy, but even his dabbling in genetic abominations hadn't prepared him for the possibility of him ever becoming pregnant himself. "It would seem that interspecies nookie had some even stranger side effects on me."

A screech behind him caused him to turn. He gasped.

"YOU! You did this to me!" he yelled accusingly.

The Null Guardian screeched and covered its hideous face with a wing.

"I don't care if you did it out of love, it's MY BODY!" Doctor Animo wailed. "I'm just not ready for this." He fell back into his familiar fetal position. "I don't know if I should go through with it."

The Null Guardian screeched.

"Laws like that don't apply here, you fanged fuckwit!" Doctor Animo yelled. "As if I would obey them anyway. I'm a criminal. I follow no dictated morals."

The Null Guardian screeched loudly.

"Nobody asked you!" Doctor Animo yelled back.

The Null Guardian threw itself onto the ground and began to cry.

"Oh, fine. If it will shut you up, I'll have the baby," Doctor Animo sighed.

Due to Null Guardians having an increased gestation period of only two weeks, and humans being violently impregnated by Null Guardians having a gestation period of only two days, Doctor Animo went into labor without having to stretch the scenes with useless filler.

"Aaaaaaagh!" Doctor Animo yelled, as he was struck by stereotypical labor pains. "Please tell me this thing isn't going to come out of my ass."

The Null Guardian flew to his side and screeched.

"I don't care if it's an egg...if it comes out of my ass, we're going to have a problem," he spoke nervously while sweating heavily.

The Null Guardian screeched while tilting its head to one side.

"Because...the human anus can only take so much before it's seriously damaged, as well as the sensitive lower internal organs, such as the sigmoid colon, and we die from the injuries and blood loss. The average yaoi fan knows nothing of this," Doctor Animo detailed quickly while his breathing became more labored. "Which makes for very amusing and disgusting tales of man-baby woe." He threw his head back and cried out due to a particularly sharp contraction. "And I don't want to become a statistic! I really don't." He began to cry very hard.

The Null Guardian screeched and brought a tentacle to his shoulder in comfort. It didn't help much.

"Aaaaugh!" Doctor Animo yelled. Through means which will never be properly detailed, he successfully laid an egg without dying. "Oh, it's over. Good." He panted heavily. He looked at the egg in his arms. "This is horrific, yet I am deeply moved." His eyes welled with tears. "I feel...something inside me...filling with...love! I think...I do want to be...a father!"

The Null Guardian screeched.

"Just because I laid the egg doesn't make me a woman, you bastard!" Doctor Animo yelled.

The Null Guardian screeched angrily.

"Oh for fuck's sake! Fine, you're the father." He shook his head angrily. "It's not like you can even tell the males and females of your species apart anyway! Or to tell if you even have genders at all."

The egg cracked open. Inside was a beautiful otherwise human looking baby girl with leathery Null Guardian wings and a tentacle for a tail.

"Holy shit!" Doctor Animo exclaimed. "This makes even less sense than I had imagined before, but okay."

The baby cooed at him. He removed the broken shell pieces and cradled her in his arms.

"Aww. What a beautiful creature you are. I think I shall call you Logic Destroyer, because that is what you do," Doctor Animo said with tears leaking down his face.

The Null Guardian screeched.

"No, you visit her on weekends every other month," Doctor Animo said, pulling out a gun. He fired into the Null Guardian's giant head. "Or perhaps NEVER! She's mine, bitch! All mine!" He let out a vicious laugh. "I'll raise her to be evil and harness her powers for my own villainous purposes."

The baby giggled happily, revealing sharp, needle-like fangs.

"Come, Logic Destroyer, we shall go forth into the world and bring much chaos and destruction!" Doctor Animo said enthusiastically.

(TBC?! ?! ?! !?)


End file.
